Bedtime Stories
by lilyleia78
Summary: When Sam's injured, Jack tries to tell a story with a lesson. Too bad the rest of the team is so helpful.


"Once upon a time," Jack began.

"In a kingdom far, far away," Sam recited dutifully.

"There lived a beautiful princess," Teal'c supplied.

"With an advanced degree in theoretical astrophysics," Daniel chimed in.

"And a problem following SGC safety procedures for dealing with unknown alien substances," Sam finished with a rueful grin, lifting her bandaged hands to serve as a visual aid.

Jack scowled from the woman in the infirmary bed to the two men seated on her other side. "Who's telling this story anyway?" he asked them.

"You, sir," Cater answered with a barely suppressed grin.

"Then why's everyone trying to steal my thunder?" Jack huffed.

"Maybe she's just heard this one before," Daniel offered.

Jack looked offended. "This is a Jack O'Neill original," he informed them, "you've never heard anything like it."

"I'll bet," Daniel agreed.

Jack ignored him. "Now where was I?"

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away," Teal'c began.

"Acht," Jack stopped the former First Prime with a raised finger and a scowl. He took a moment to be sure he had his team's undivided attention before beginning again. "Once upon a time in a land of mountains and snow covered trees there lived a Captain Doctor named Carter."

Daniel snorted, and Jack was forced to pause again to administer some disciplinary action in the form of his best death glare, the one that had airmen and civilians alike seeking shelter. Not that it had ever affected Daniel, or any member of SG-1 for that matter, but it never hurt to try.

"Now, Carter was a very smart Captain Doctor, trained by the best and hand picked to serve on an elite team of explorers."

"Handpicked, sir? That's not exactly how I remember it," Carter interrupted.

"You're memory's fuzzy from the injury," Jack answered dismissively.

"I was unaware that burns sustained to the hands and arms could alter memory," Teal'c said with a questioning look at O'Neill.

"I never said iwho/i handpicked her, just that she was handpicked," Jack protested.

"Of course, sir," Carter said soothingly, "please continue."

"No more interruptions?"

"I cannot make any such guarantees, O'Neill. You're story may need further correcting," Teal'c said.

Before Jack could come back with a suitably witty retort, the five foot tall bundle of terror who ruled the infirmary stepped around the privacy curtain.

"What are you three still doing here?" Dr. Janet Frasier asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Jack's telling Sam a bedtime story," Daniel answered. "Teal'c and I were just leaving."

Jack muttered something that sounded like 'traitor' under his breath before raising his voice to normal levels. "You said she needed sleep."

"You all need sleep, Colonel. It's after 0130. Would you like a sedative?" She smiled sweetly, and Jack shuddered.

"No, no. We're leaving," Jack grumbled, standing from the hard plastic torture device posing as a chair. "Once upon a time, yadda, yadda, exciting discovery, yadda, yadda, dangerous experiment...Long story short, the Captain Doctor swore to always wear fire proof gloves while playing with explosives."

"And the moral of the story is..." Daniel prompted helpfully.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Always look out for the fire when fleeing the pan."

"Thank you, sir," Sam said without a trace of irony, "That was really inspiring."

"Yes, Colonel, we're all impressed with your story-telling skills. Now if you'd all kindly remove yourselves from my infirmary," Janet said pointedly.

Teal'c bowed to each woman before bidding his team a goodnight. Daniel rose to follow, but leaned down to whisper in a voice meant to carry, "You think that's bad; you should hear his version of Little Red Riding Hood."

Jack straightened to his full height in indignation. "I have no idea what you're talking about," he told Daniel's back as it disappeared through the door. He strode out after the younger man, calling back over his shoulder to Sam, "But remind me to tell you about the Little Green Bonnie Boy sometime. He gets in all kinds of trouble by being too trusting and not paying enough attention to his surroundings, but Grandma Jackie does a real number on the Big Bad Snake."

Sam's answering laughter was punctuated by a yawn as Janet's painkillers hit her system. She fell asleep cloaked in affection, slipping into dreams of a Goldilocks with shorter, hipper hair and three huge bears doing their best to make sure that everything just right.


End file.
